Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
