do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i dont even know how to be here
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
