Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
