you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
