There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
