Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
