When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
