i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
