NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
NoShamevember. You game?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
