opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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