I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
