It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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