If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
