You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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