i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
