just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
