so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
