Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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