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You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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