let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
