they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
