maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
