I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
