Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think people are normalizing furries
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
