i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
