dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
