take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
