So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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