Is it because I queefed?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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