Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
