His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
