I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
