Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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