do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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