We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
