Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
