i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
