It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
