youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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