So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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