I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
