My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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