had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
