So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
