Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
