a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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