She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
