the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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