You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
