i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
