sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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