Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
