my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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