just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
